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Эссе: пример и исправления


Данная статья содержит пример TOEFL эссе, написанного для соискателей МВА, а также исправленную экспертом вресию данного эссе. Такие нагляные примеры ошибок и неточностей помогут Вам отследить их в собственных эссе и не допускать их в будущем.

Many people say that the internet is the most important invention ever. Do you agree or disagree with this and if not, what do you believe to be more important? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.


I agree with the above statement that internet is the most important invention ever.Because due to the invention of internet,people are experiencing more advantages than before it’s invention. We are having so many facilities while having internet connection at houses. And even at separate internet centres it is more advantageous.
1. We can directly mail to a person and within seconds the mail will be delivered without any delay.
2. The communication point of view is facilitated by using internet.i.e., very easily we can chat with another known person or relative through online chat
3.Many useful information can be browsed and notes can be taken through internet
4.We can definitely improve our knowledge through internet by means of online libraries by visiting their respective websites.
5.Though there are fake websites which will lead us to a wrong path,we can lock or adjust the levels of security in the computers so that no one can try to see the fake websites.
6.We can send important documents through mail or even online by using the internet which will be very useful for the business people or the software people
7. Web meeting can be conducted among working professionals to discuss about important business information
8.More important,by using internet many internet jobs has been landed nowadays which will help us to perform our job through online,the most convenient one
9. Online courses are present in the universities from which we can attend online classes in case of emergencies
10. Ofcourse this will be of little importance,many of us are interested in hearing songs from the websites while doing jobs.this can be done by using internet

From the overall view,using internet will be of utmost importance for all the busy people and even for home makers.

For example,I did online jobs for about one year that gave me confidence to meet people through online and interviewing them through the internet. And it was very useful to me even in the case of studying online courses. I learnt a lot and gained knowledge through online studies being at home. And I got selected in a software company and I performed there very well. So through internet we can learn lot of knowledgeable things that helps us to strengthen our career,to improve our self confidence overall.
Thus I can conclude that using internet, we can gain knowing lot of good informations,improve our knowledge and strengthen our career.
can anyone evaluate my eassay?thanks


Corrected Version (suggestions are in CAPITAL letters):


I agree with the above statement that THE internet is the most important invention ever.Because due to the invention of THE internet,people are experiencing more advantages than before ITS invention. We are having so many facilities while having AN internet connection at HOME. And even at separate internet centres it is more advantageous.
1. We can directly mail to a person and within seconds the mail will be delivered without any delay.
2. The communication point of view is facilitated by using THE internet.i.e., very easily we can chat with another known person or relative through online chat
3.MUCH useful information can be browsed and notes can be taken through THE internet
4.We can definitely improve our knowledge through THE internet by means of online libraries by visiting their respective websites.
5.Though there are fake websites which will lead us to a wrong path,we can lock or adjust the levels of security in the computers so that no one can try to see the fake websites.
6.We can send important documents through mail or even online by using the internet which will be very useful for business people or software people
7. A Web meeting can be conducted among working professionals to discuss about important business information
8.More importantLY,by using THE internet many internet jobs has been landed nowadays which will help us to perform our job online,the most convenient one
9. Online courses are present in the universities from which we can attend online classes in case of emergencies
10. Of course this will be of little importance TO many of us WHO are interested in hearing songs from the websites while doing jobs.This can be done by using THE internet

From the overall view,using THE internet will be of utmost importance for all the busy people and even for home makers.

For example,I did online jobs for about one year that gave me confidence to meet people online and interviewing them through the internet. And it was very useful to me even in the case of studying online courses. I learnt a lot and gained knowledge through online studies being at home. And I got selected BY a software company and I performed there very well. So through THE internet we can learn A lot of knowledgethat helps us to strengthen our career,to improve our self confidence overall.
Thus I can conclude that using THE internet, we can gain A lot of good information, improve our knowledge and strengthen our career.


По материалам
toeflsample.com

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